THE increase in car-parking charges is part of a Machiavellian plan by Trafford Council to create vast open spaces, as they couldn’t possibly be stupid enough to multiply the parking cost by roughly three and then be surprised that the number of people parking divides by at least 10....er, could they?

I think that a local manufacturer of artificial tumbleweed knows people in high places, and has negotiated a contract to sell his product to the council (at a huge profit that the council doesn’t realise), so that his product can roll around the empty car-parks.

The council will then rent out these sites to all the film-makers in Trafford who want to make cheap Westerns requiring appropriate desert scenery. I can just imagine Clint Eastwood emerging from a cloud of dust – to the accompaniment of some dramatic Ennio Morricone soundtrack - in order to kill the depraved and sadistic baddie hiding behind Altrincham Leisure Centre.

You may think that Trafford Council could not be so financially gullible - after all, they’ve wisely invested in a large and useful tombstone in front of Altrincham Station and have not wasted a single penny repairing all our roads.

Also, don’t forget that the officials who will be considering the obviously viable plan outlined above are going to be the same people who carefully worked out what the public’s reaction to the Green Bin charge would be – so they’re not going to get it wrong, are they?

They’re cleverer than we all think!

D Peters

Hale