Fat chance of a quiet life

3:49pm Thursday 10th April 2008

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NOW we know for sure that the good Doctor is a few sandwiches short of a picnic. What man in his right mind would agree to share his Tardis with shouty Catherine Tate?

David Tennant's google-eyed characterisation of the iconic Time Lord has hinted at madness for some time. Now he has proved he is not fit to be left to make sensible decisions.

In the first tale of the new series on Saturday (BBC1) he came across Tate's character Donna - who had ruined the Christmas 2006 episode with her constant ranting - in a storyline featuring a plan to harness a million kilos of fat from overweight humans to be born as little alien Adipose.

In scenes reminiscent of John Hurt's memorable moment in the film Alien, the Adipose exploded out of the bodies of countless slimmers and skipped off down the road towards their Mary Poppins in the shape of Sarah Lancashire, who had been engaged to be their nanny.

It was a silly story that did little to encourage me to carry on watching the rest of the series.

Only the prospect of another gem like the episode that left me with an enduring horror of statues may keep me switching on.

But if Ms Tate raises that decibel level again, there'll be no going back.

Back to the search for Nancy in I'd Do Anything (BBC1, Saturday) and Graham Norton is struggling to keep the interest going.

Everyone is now tired of the well worn format - the Phantom music for the Lord, accompanied by worshipping from the panel members, the humiliation of the departing contestant and the inquiry of What are you looking for in this performance?' at every opportunity. Zzz - make it stop now.

Finally, she returned to EastEnders and reminded us what a loss it was to the soap when she left. No, not Patsy Palmer as earbattering Bianca, but Charlie Brooks as the complex bitch Janine. She is sadly missed.